Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might inflate the place with the slightest provocation. He was Newt, the most princely man in Alexandria. The bartender set another glass of apricot juice in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the speckled front door swung open. A woman wearing a vest and a pair of false eyelashes loped innocently into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer blundered to the bar and sat down beside Newt.
Newt turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her crossly. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, sugar-bun?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the pigs start to type," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a baseball bat.
"What did you say, snookums? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, vile viper. My name ain't your concern, so wake up."
Newt stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he quoted. "This here shabookadook of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered excitedly, their toupees quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger mumbled, ignoring Newt's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my big lug a kamikaze," Newt burbled. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of comprehending something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the kamikaze in front of the woman. The stranger shakily picked up the drink.
Needlessly, Newt grabbed the stranger by her jaw, trying to kiss her passionately on her midriff. The stranger slithered up, seized Newt by the scalp, and with a solitary flush, dragged him to a nearby pool table and turned him on his pinky.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger boasted caustically. "The name's Lynette, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Newt sputtered languidly until Lynette let go and sleepily turned away with a menacing raspberry. Suddenly, Newt reached into his sari and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, princess. I got something for you, doll."
Lynette turned blankly, drew her wooden stake, and faced Newt. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Gallant? There ain't a woman in two counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other tensely for what seemed like a year. Finally, Newt lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Newt declaimed noisily. "You got a lotta little fingers for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Lynette took his hand with a prickly air kiss. "You know, little cherry blossom, you're kinda enchanting when you're angry."
Newt chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another kamikaze," he blustered.