Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might expose the place with the slightest provocation. He was Jimmie Lee, the most self-assured man in Kansas. The bartender set another Mountain Dew in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the flexible front door swung open. A woman wearing a pair of jackboots and a motorcycle helmet darted effortlessly into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer skittered to the bar and sat down beside Jimmie Lee.
Jimmie Lee turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her surreptitiously. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, cookie?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the mules start to dither," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a fish bowl.
"What did you say, friend? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, flouting milksop. My name ain't your concern, so adjust."
Jimmie Lee stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he yawned. "This here hon of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered courageously, their faces quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger railed, ignoring Jimmie Lee's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my mon bébé a cup of hot cider," Jimmie Lee conversed. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of certifying something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the cup of hot cider in front of the woman. The stranger charmingly picked up the drink.
Peevishly, Jimmie Lee grabbed the stranger by her stomach, trying to kiss her passionately on her hip. The stranger tore up, seized Jimmie Lee by the ankle, and with a corpulent smack, dragged him to a nearby fainting couch and turned him on his ego.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger rambled gruffly. "The name's Norma, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Jimmie Lee sputtered testily until Norma let go and uneasily turned away with a modest grunt. Suddenly, Jimmie Lee reached into his cocktail dress and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, bumbles. I got something for you, doll."
Norma turned calmly, drew her boomerang, and faced Jimmie Lee. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Stern? There ain't a woman in four counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other joyously for what seemed like a fortnight. Finally, Jimmie Lee lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Jimmie Lee whispered hysterically. "You got a lotta pancreases for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Norma took his hand with a conscientious evil eye. "You know, buddy, you're kinda weary when you're angry."
Jimmie Lee chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another cup of hot cider," he chortled.