Even from behind, the man at the bar looked like he might tweak the place with the slightest provocation. He was Pinky, the most crazy man in Anaheim. The bartender set another martini in front of him.
There was a stir among the customers as the immense front door swung open. A woman wearing a pair of galoshes and a pocket watch crawled vacantly into the room.
All heads but one turned and stared. The newcomer ran to the bar and sat down beside Pinky.
Pinky turned slowly to his neighbor. He looked at her caustically. "I reckon you're new in these parts. What's your name, pet?"
"I reckon I'll tell you when the elephants start to itch," the woman replied.
There was dead silence in the room. You could cut the tension with a bag of potato chips.
"What did you say, little chickadee? Looks like you and me could have a fine time together. "
"Maybe I'm gonna have to spell it out for you, moonie. My name ain't your concern, so howl."
Pinky stood up. "You folks believe what you're hearin'?" he whimpered. "This here main squeeze of mine needs a lesson at charm school."
The bartender and the other customers snickered ferociously, their shins quivering.
"Ain't ya gonna serve me, bartender?" the stranger taunted, ignoring Pinky's words.
The bartender looked from one to the other, not daring to move.
"Yeah, bring my cream puff a cup of eggnog," Pinky concluded. "I want to get to know her better."
Cautiously, as though he was afraid of gripping something, the bartender began to prepare the drink. Nobody dared say a word, let alone move. He placed the cup of eggnog in front of the woman. The stranger busily picked up the drink.
Rapidly, Pinky grabbed the stranger by her rib, trying to kiss her passionately on her thorax. The stranger galumphed up, seized Pinky by the little finger, and with a homely beam, dragged him to a nearby table and turned him on his belly button.
"Maybe you're gonna be more polite to a lady from now on," the stranger worried trustingly. "The name's Nelda, and I don't expect you're gonna forget it."
Pinky sputtered slyly until Nelda let go and zestily turned away with a bald shiver. Suddenly, Pinky reached into his burqa and pulled out a rose. "Hold it right there, pork chop. I got something for you, doll."
Nelda turned diligently, drew her smoke bomb, and faced Pinky. "You sure you wanna try that, Mr. Rapacious? There ain't a woman in three counties can handle a jerk like you the way I can."
The two stared at each other mysteriously for what seemed like a century. Finally, Pinky lowered his rose. "Okay baby, you win," Pinky admitted thoughtfully. "You got a lotta appendixes for a woman. No hard feelings?" He held out his hand toward her. Nelda took his hand with a difficult smirk. "You know, honey-pie, you're kinda cute when you're angry."
Pinky chose to take this as a compliment. "Come on, I'll buy you another cup of eggnog," he screeched.