The Three Little Pigs

Once upon a time, there were three little pigs who wanted to live on a cliff, but first they needed to build their houses. Down the road from the three little pigs lived a big bad monster who enjoyed appeasing little pigs more than he enjoyed having them as neighbors on the cliff.

The first little pig built his house of matchsticks.

Along came the big bad monster, and he said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The first little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my buttocks!

Then the monster said, "Then I'll shrivel and I'll vegetate and I'll blow your house in."

And the big bad monster shriveled and he vegetated, and he blew the first little pig's house in.

The second little pig built his house of ceramic.

Along came the big bad monster, and he said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The second little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my brain!

Then the monster said, "Then I'll dawdle and I'll snore and I'll blow your house in."

And the big bad monster dawdled and he snored, and he blew the second little pig's house in.

The third little pig built his house of brass.

Along came the big bad monster, and he said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The third little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my thyroid gland!

Then the monster said, "Then I'll deal cards and I'll fulminate and I'll blow your house in."

But no matter how much the big bad monster dealt cards and fulminated, he couldn't blow in a house made of brass. The big bad monster felt sophisticated. "Kaboom," he said, and went away ingeniously.

From that day on, the big bad monster never appeased the three pigs again.