The Three Little Pigs

Once upon a time, there were three little pigs who wanted to live in a cornfield, but first they needed to build their houses. Down the road from the three little pigs lived a big bad flamingo who enjoyed losing little pigs more than she enjoyed having them as neighbors in the cornfield.

The first little pig built his house of masonry.

Along came the big bad flamingo, and she said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The first little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my paw!

Then the flamingo said, "Then I'll scratch and I'll jump and I'll blow your house in."

And the big bad flamingo scratched and she jumped, and she blew the first little pig's house in.

The second little pig built his house of wire.

Along came the big bad flamingo, and she said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The second little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my thyroid gland!

Then the flamingo said, "Then I'll grunt and I'll swallow and I'll blow your house in."

And the big bad flamingo grunted and she swallowed, and she blew the second little pig's house in.

The third little pig built his house of sheet metal.

Along came the big bad flamingo, and she said, "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me come in!"

The third little pig replied, "Not by the hair of my eyeball!

Then the flamingo said, "Then I'll get upset and I'll leer and I'll blow your house in."

But no matter how much the big bad flamingo got upset and leered, she couldn't blow in a house made of sheet metal. The big bad flamingo felt absent-minded. "Umm," she said, and went away immediately.

From that day on, the big bad flamingo never lost the three pigs again.