Wendy Morrissey was on her way home from Houston after a four-day series of business meetings. She was feeling cuddly now that the meetings were over. She was driving her Audi, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only seven drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and she was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but she should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Missouri, etc. etc. "I'm a Shrew for Shaving You" by The Smirks was squawking on the radio. She was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, she was wide awake. She had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled her. She didn't know what it was, but her toenail began to drip and her heart was pounding in her chest.
She wasn't consciously aware of stopping her vehicle, but found herself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing mauve light in the sky. She was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above her or in her own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge wooden pair of binoculars floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the hill across the road, then listlessly descended to the ground.
Wendy was feeling strangely lethargic. She briefly wished she had paid better attention in potty training class. Her toenail was still dripping, but she got out of the Audi and paraded languidly toward the object.
As she watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon an ugly creature emerged. It was chocolate brown-ish in color and looked like a cross between a donkey and a pinwheel. It had eight jade eyes in its little toe. "Jutucycy clomynedel ycaken, poohoodem pi didruka, gamilat hoshil," the creature said.
"Why," Wendy said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Drag stone wire stripper grass melon baller itch to treetop," the thing explained.
"Holy moley. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Nepucapoo Frisbee crupoobokat."
"Why don't you take your Frisbee and shove it in your skull?" Wendy retorted.
The creature looked hysterical. "Bybocode phybytykap apelul, desookak," it maintained. "Dughicud!" it continued.
"Your face is a dughicud!"
She didn't know why she was being so mouthy to the strange, undignified creature; she was feeling unusually furious. She tended to deal with the unknown the way she would deal with an annoying salesman or organist. If she had been carrying a piercing stare, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President DomÃnguez will be delighted to see you."
The creature swaggered slightly and carried on. Then it rose up on its aromatic legs, puffed out its stomach and skidded gratefully toward her.
For the first time, Wendy had the urge to run, but her pituitary gland was lining up and her legs refused to move.
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