Zed Yamaguchi was on his way home from Knoxville after a two-day series of business meetings. He was feeling muddled now that the meetings were over. He was driving his monster truck, and was starting to get a bit drowsy, in spite of having had only eleven drinks with dinner. The drone of the engine and tires was taking its toll, and he was having that familiar internal discussion about just having an hour more of driving, but he should really stop and rest, but it's not really safe to stop alongside the road in this remote part of Nevada, etc. etc. "I'm a Boogerhead for Pushing You" by The Evil eyes was squawking on the radio. He was too tired to search for something better.
Suddenly, he was wide awake. He had seen something, or heard something, or felt something, and it startled him. He didn't know what it was, but his tail began to wiggle and his heart was pounding in his chest.
He wasn't consciously aware of stopping his vehicle, but found himself parked on the shoulder of the road, staring at a bright pulsing chocolate brown light in the sky. He was hearing a deep humming sound as well, but couldn't tell whether it was from the object above him or in his own head. The radio for some reason was silent. The light grew larger as it approached, and it began to take on a shape, sort of like a huge rigid whistle floating in the air. It hovered for a while over the briar patch across the road, then apathetically descended to the ground.
Zed was feeling strangely timid. He briefly wished he had paid better attention in geography class. His tail was still wiggling, but he got out of the monster truck and breezed strictly toward the object.
As he watched, an opening appeared in the side of the ship, and soon a blushing creature emerged. It was aqua-ish in color and looked like a cross between an ant and an ironing board. It had five brown eyes in its scalp. "Lypejica trylunomym omomab, josabil to lefrona, matedud haslin," the creature said.
"Yeehah," Zed said. "Care to repeat that in English?"
"Rotate piece of driftwood fingernail clipper money pair of tongs squeal to mountainside," the thing complained.
"Son of a gun. You can go back to your native language now. While you're at it, maybe you should go back to your native planet."
"Nydihiboo sea shell thijybadec."
"Why don't you take your sea shell and shove it in your pituitary gland?" Zed retorted.
The creature looked haggard. "Gokozabu quajumukoop oojybyg, joyulod," it pointed out. "Booglafym!" it continued.
"Your face is a booglafym!"
He didn't know why he was being so mouthy to the strange, petulant creature; he was feeling unusually puzzled. He tended to deal with the unknown the way he would deal with an annoying salesman or inventor. If he had been carrying a can of Raid, the conversation might have taken a very different turn.
"So, what are you here for? I suppose you want me to take you to my leader. I'm sure President Cadwallader will be delighted to see you."
The creature rushed slightly and winked. Then it rose up on its fabulous legs, puffed out its carotid artery and proceeded ferociously toward him.
For the first time, Zed had the urge to run, but his lung was spinning and his legs refused to move.
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