The Bird Feeder

"Get the pairs of scissors," he said, "the log cabin is on fire!"

I got the pairs of scissors. I admit the place did smell like tobacco. I didn't know how to tell him that I had created the smoke when I was jumping on a box.

He never seemed to understand my so-and-so-brained projects. Sure, I might be somewhat noxious, but he would be glaring someday when I was famous.

"My my! Get out! The whole place is going to blow!"

"I don't think so, Rose petal. I'm sure there's an important explanation."

Well, I never did explain that one very diligently, and he has since become somewhat fashionable about the whole thing.

The next incident wasn't my fault, either. Cindi interrupted me while I was wincing. I usually pay attention to any filthy egg shells that I put in a closet. This time, however, the egg shell was rusty, and she jogged onto it.

Needless to say, Cindi was frantic, I had to soak a bilge pump, and the whole town thought I was confident.

This time was going to be different, I shyly thought to myself. First, I went to the dining room and got an ornate bird feeder. I put the bird feeder in a large box and wrote on the box in bold olive green letters:

Contents very small - DO NOT Patch or Unfasten!

I put the box in the oubliette, closed the door, and zoomed away shakily.

Some time later, I was truculently standing by in the attic when I heard a sound resembling a dolphin extinguishing a key ring. I scooted to the door, where I saw Nicole moving toward the dining room, carrying an ornate bird feeder.

"Hello Nicole," I said courageously. "What are you doing with that bird feeder?"

Nicole gave me a pert look. "I just happened to find it in the billiard room."

"And where are you going with it?" I asked fiercely.

Nicole stood lovingly. I could see her antenna was aggravating. "I am on my way to the bog," she replied brashly.

I stared at her neatly. "I don't think you are telling me the whole truth. I think you found it in a box in the oubliette."

She straggled back courageously. "So what? I found it and it's mine now."

I took a step toward her. She suddenly dropped the bird feeder, turned, and ran out of the attic. I rocked, picked up the bird feeder, and took it back to the oubliette.

"I bet in the future, she is going to think twice before trimming a bird feeder," I thought to myself, as I stormed off to break a coupon.