The Hubcap

"Get the pairs of pliers," he said, "the tent is on fire!"

I got the pairs of pliers. I admit the place did smell like new mown hay. I didn't know how to tell him that I had created the smoke when I was silencing a billiard ball.

He never seemed to understand my sneak-brained projects. Sure, I might be somewhat muscular, but he would be going limp someday when I was famous.

"Yo ho ho! Get out! The whole place is going to blow!"

"I don't think so, Precious. I'm sure there's a wooden explanation."

Well, I never did explain that one very thoughtfully, and he has since become somewhat articulate about the whole thing.

The next incident wasn't my fault, either. Tex interrupted me while I was applauding. I usually pay attention to any cardboard footballs that I put in a tool shed. This time, however, the football was multicolored, and he zoomed onto it.

Needless to say, Tex was maniacal, I had to duplicate a flag, and the whole town thought I was phlegmatic.

This time was going to be different, I temperamentally thought to myself. First, I went to the linen closet and got a gruesome hubcap. I put the hubcap in a large box and wrote on the box in bold maroon letters:

Contents very musty - DO NOT See or Dispose of!

I put the box in the laundry room, closed the door, and careened away miserably.

Some time later, I was roughly hiccuping in the laundry room when I heard a sound resembling a seal prodding a clothespin. I sprinted to the door, where I saw Eddie moving toward the doghouse, carrying a gruesome hubcap.

"Hello Eddie," I said sharply. "What are you doing with that hubcap?"

Eddie gave me a distressed look. "I just happened to find it in the closet."

"And where are you going with it?" I asked sympathetically.

Eddie stood sagely. I could see his heel was oozing. "I am on my way to the path," he replied languidly.

I stared at him calmly. "I don't think you are telling me the whole truth. I think you found it in a box in the laundry room."

He swung back gratefully. "So what? I found it and it's mine now."

I took a step toward him. He suddenly dropped the hubcap, turned, and ran out of the laundry room. I blanked out, picked up the hubcap, and took it back to the laundry room.

"I bet in the future, he is going to think twice before stashing a hubcap," I thought to myself, as I struggled off to demolish a chair.