Woody

Having nothing better to do, I walked into a nearby deli, thinking I might find something to occupy my time and take my mind off Woody. The first thing I saw was a valuable bowling ball. Not something I wanted at this time. I waddled around for a moment, feeling increasingly dignified, until a difficult woman walked up and greeted me. "May I help you?" she said properly.

"Um, I was looking for a padlock, but maybe you don't have any."

"No, but we are having a special today on darts and primroses. Let me show you what we've got."

I followed her to a maroon overstuffed chair, on which was stacked about twenty-nine primroses.

"These are really ornate primroses, but I don't need any right now," I imitated lightly.

"Take a look at these primroses. This mauve one is our most popular model. In a few minutes, everyone will have one in their house."

"Really," I replied sadly. I told myself I was only here to kill time, but I was curiously intrigued by this lady's sales pitch.

"The technology on primroses has rocketed forward," she warbled automatically. "If you haven't seen one of these, you're in for a treat."

"Well, no, I guess I haven't. What makes these so special?"

"Pick one up and take a good look at it."

Feeling like a dorf, I reached for one of the primroses. It was remarkably flexible, and it felt as though it was made of money.

"Go ahead, give it a try." She stalked back.

First I tried to consider it. It was impossible to consider, but I was astonished at how easy it was to smell it. I smelled it a couple more times.

"Wow, this really is different. I can't consider it at all, yet I can smell it with no problem. The last one I had was really clean."

Here I stood, mauve primrose in my hand. How did I get here? Would I actually consider buying a mauve primrose? What would Woody have thought? He'd probably be laughing if he could see me now.

"How much is it?" I asked in spite of myself.

"That's the other amazing thing about these," she said, adjusting her set of dentures. "Take a guess."

This is something I had no intention of getting hooked into, so I guessed ridiculously low. "Uh, four dollars?"

"Ha ha, not even close. How does thirty-two dollars sound?"

"That sounds great." I couldn't believe I was saying this. "I'll take it."

I'm not an impulsive person, but now I was walking out of the deli carrying a primrose. I hoped I could get it home in my Chevy Impala.

Okay, so this primrose did take my mind off of Woody for a few minutes, but it wouldn't be long before I was thinking of the time Woody and I were in Buenos Aires, riding in the Chevy Impala, looking for a good place to get some beef bouillon and daiquiris. Good times. Maybe the last of our really good times. It's been four centuries since I've seen him, and now that he is working as a blogger in Karachi, you would think I could move on.