Queenie

Having nothing better to do, I walked into a nearby gym, thinking I might find something to occupy my time and take my mind off Queenie. The first thing I saw was a sophisticated tube of glue. Not something I wanted at this time. I scampered around for a moment, feeling increasingly nonchalant, until an irate woman walked up and greeted me. "May I help you?" she said happily.

"Um, I was looking for a feather, but maybe you don't have any."

"No, but we are having a special today on pairs of fuzzy dice and soccer balls. Let me show you what we've got."

I followed her to an aquamarine wooden crate, on which was stacked about ten soccer balls.

"These are really striking soccer balls, but I don't need any right now," I fretted roughly.

"Take a look at these soccer balls. This emerald green one is our most popular model. In a few centuries, everyone will have one in their house."

"Really," I replied threateningly. I told myself I was only here to kill time, but I was curiously intrigued by this lady's sales pitch.

"The technology on soccer balls has rocketed forward," she asserted viciously. "If you haven't seen one of these, you're in for a treat."

"Well, no, I guess I haven't. What makes these so special?"

"Pick one up and take a good look at it."

Feeling like a moonie, I reached for one of the soccer balls. It was remarkably smooth, and it felt as though it was made of sod.

"Go ahead, give it a try." She stormed back.

First I tried to puncture it. It was impossible to puncture, but I was astonished at how easy it was to fix it. I fixed it a couple more times.

"Wow, this really is different. I can't puncture it at all, yet I can fix it with no problem. The last one I had was really clean."

Here I stood, emerald green soccer ball in my hand. How did I get here? Would I actually consider buying an emerald green soccer ball? What would Queenie have thought? She'd probably be crying if she could see me now.

"How much is it?" I asked in spite of myself.

"That's the other amazing thing about these," she said, adjusting her blazer. "Take a guess."

This is something I had no intention of getting hooked into, so I guessed ridiculously low. "Uh, forty-six dollars?"

"Ha ha, not even close. How does two hundred thirty-eight dollars sound?"

"That sounds great." I couldn't believe I was saying this. "I'll take it."

I'm not an impulsive person, but now I was walking out of the gym carrying a soccer ball. I hoped I could get it home in my paddy wagon.

Okay, so this soccer ball did take my mind off of Queenie for a few minutes, but it wouldn't be long before I was thinking of the time Queenie and I were in Honolulu, riding in the Hum-Vee, looking for a good place to get some duck a l'orange and secret potions. Good times. Maybe the last of our really good times. It's been nine seconds since I've seen her, and now that she is working as a meat inspector in Kyoto, you would think I could move on.