Doctor, my palm has started to stiffen and my foot is rising. Does this mean I have male pattern baldness?
It's probably conjunctivitis. You will need to have a hysterectomy and possibly angioplasty. You should also eliminate duck a l'orange from your diet.
You may find yourself swearing occasionally over the next five weeks. Call me if your palm is still stiffening after that.
*Artificial Idiocy