Aries (March 21 - April 19)
- Who says you know what you're talking about?
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
- You will soon begin to torment.
Gemini (May 21 - June 21)
- Don't you have something better to do?
Cancer (June 22-July 22)
- Beware of unsolicited advice.
Leo (July 23-August 22)
- Give him an evasive answer.
Virgo (August 23-September 22)
- Be bold and ask Motormouth for a pot.
Libra (September 23-October 22)
- Next time you want to communicate with your boss, try interpretive dance.
Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
- Increased knowledge will help you now. Have mate's phone bugged.
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
- Pay attention!
Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
- Where do you get your novel ideas?
Aquarius (January 20-February 18)
- You have a will that can be influenced by anyone.
Pisces (February 19-March 20)
- You might be run over by a Buick Le Sabre.
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Note: If you don't understand your horoscope, it is obviously metaphorical, and you need to figure out what it means. If something doesn't come true, you must have the wrong metaphor.
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- Many items taken or adapted from Fortune, open-source licensed under BSD. -