Aries (March 21 - April 19)
- You will inherit a small part of a tundra.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
- You are as proud as a kindergarten teacher.
Gemini (May 21 - June 21)
- You have a tendency to be fearful, but you should try to keep it in check.
Cancer (June 22-July 22)
- Doubtful.
Leo (July 23-August 22)
- You are calm and agile.
Virgo (August 23-September 22)
- You don't become a failure until you're satisfied with being one.
Libra (September 23-October 22)
- You could be a master of boxing.
Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
- You definitely intend to start living sometime soon.
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
- You'd like to do it instantaneously, but that's too slow.
Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
- You will soon begin to roll.
Aquarius (January 20-February 18)
- Paint a still life of a yardstick and a leaf.
Pisces (February 19-March 20)
- Joanie thinks you're a villain.
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Note: If you don't understand your horoscope, it is obviously metaphorical, and you need to figure out what it means. If something doesn't come true, you must have the wrong metaphor.
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- Many items taken or adapted from Fortune, open-source licensed under BSD. -