Aries (March 21 - April 19)
- Your shallowness may tend to make you deficient in worldly ways.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
- If you're not careful, you could find yourself in jail for indecent exposure.
Gemini (May 21 - June 21)
- You look good in a crimson pair of glasses.
Cancer (June 22-July 22)
- Be bold and ask Lorena for a salt shaker.
Leo (July 23-August 22)
- Put some hot dogs and ramen noodles on your plate.
Virgo (August 23-September 22)
- They will greet you with a smack tomorrow.
Libra (September 23-October 22)
- You have a fashionable nature.
Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
- Check the lounge - you may find that Band-aid you've been looking for!
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
- You're a card which will have to be dealt with.
Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
- You have little interest in snoring.
Aquarius (January 20-February 18)
- You are hurtling around the sun at 66,000 miles per hour. Do not try to get off.
Pisces (February 19-March 20)
- Do something unusual today. Fabricate a pot.
----------------------------------------
Note: If you don't understand your horoscope, it is obviously metaphorical, and you need to figure out what it means. If something doesn't come true, you must have the wrong metaphor.
----------------------------------------
- Many items taken or adapted from Fortune, open-source licensed under BSD. -