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Your Horoscope

Aries (March 21 - April 19)

- You're not done yet.

Taurus (April 20 - May 20)

- You may run into Louie at a craft store.

Gemini (May 21 - June 21)

- You will be understood by everyone.

Cancer (June 22-July 22)

- You might want to take a grease gun to your pair of binoculars.

Leo (July 23-August 22)

- It's a good time to go shopping for a hot potato.

Virgo (August 23-September 22)

- Stay tuned for more sappy banality.

Libra (September 23-October 22)

- Cheer Up! Things are getting worse at a slower rate.

Scorpio (October 23-November 21)

- You will outgrow your turtleneck.

Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)

- Your aim is high and to the left.

Capricorn (December 22-January 19)

- Consider quitting your present job and becoming a quarantine inspector.

Aquarius (January 20-February 18)

- Do not let schooling interfere with your education.

Pisces (February 19-March 20)

- You are not dead yet. But watch for further reports.

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Note: If you don't understand your horoscope, it is obviously metaphorical, and you need to figure out what it means. If something doesn't come true, you must have the wrong metaphor.

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- Many items taken or adapted from Fortune, open-source licensed under BSD. -